I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
