very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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