HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
