You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
