I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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