dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
