You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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