He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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