Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
