I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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