Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
