Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
