he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
