I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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