dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
