you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
