How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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