that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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