Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
