I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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