is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize