where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I am one with the molecules
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
