Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I need to calm my uterus...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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