It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
