I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
