I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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