No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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