why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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