Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
