Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
