if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
