you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm sobbing to NWA
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
