thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize