member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
