He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
