How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
