So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We named our party play list daddy issues
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
