atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
