Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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