my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
