i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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