Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
