insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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