Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
