I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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