i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
