Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Acid is not a monday night drug
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize