It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
