feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
