I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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