State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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