he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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