dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
