My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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