New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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