I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
