you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
