At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
