She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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