Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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