Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
