I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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