D3 body, D1 cock
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
