Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
