I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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