Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
