who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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