I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Houston, we have a blender
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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