By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
