she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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