when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
