I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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