Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
