im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
